E-mail exchange with an asshat

Okay, I got home, I got refreshed, and I caught up on laundry and housework. Then, I turned my attention to the holidays.

I sent Ex this email:

From: Annie
Sent: Tuesday, December 14, 2010 8:13 AM
To: Ex
Cc: Awesomesauce and Awesomesauce
Subject: Re: Christmas

Ex,

The children do not wish to spend the night with you at your hotel.  If you stay near an orange line metro stop, …[our daughter] can shepherd them to and from your hotel or other meeting place.

The children are anxious about your visit and it is important to them to have specific plans made in advance.

B.D.

To which he replied:

From: Ex
Subject: RE: Christmas
Date: December 14, 2010 11:32:31 AM EST
To: Annie

I am anxious to see them too.

My plans remain unchanged.

I’ll have the boys overnight.

I accept that at… [our daughter's] age I’m too square to spend the night with.

My flight arrives early afternoon on the 25th and  I’ll call when I get out off the airport to pick them up.

To which I WANTED to reply:

Ex,

They are anxious ABOUT seeing you, not TO see you.  (I can’t figure out if you are brain-damaged now or just a bigger a**hole than you’ve ever been before.)  My earlier email was about their needs and interests not your thoughts about your rights.  If you are anxious TO see them, you may want to engage rather than trying to dictate terms.  (I hate to tell you, but I’m no longer intimidated by you.)

Whatever you think your RIGHTS are, my RESPONSIBILITY is to insure their safety and well-being.  I am currently attempting to advocate for them with you.

Our daughter’s not wanting to be with you has nothing to do with you being square.  (Um, you aren’t square.)  It has to do with you being squicky and a jerk. (In case you are not familiar with the pop culture term “squicky” it means icky, icky like old guys who leer at young girls.)  Try that one on for size, dumbass.

Do you want to be reasonable and (for once) put their needs/wishes before your own bloated ego or are we going to the mat again?  (Please remind yourself that you tend to lose and that several thousand people are likely to read about it on the internet.)

Bitch

…and I actually replied:

From: Annie
Sent: Tuesday, December 14, 2010 12:04 PM
To: Ex
Subject: Re: Christmas

Ex,

They are anxious ABOUT seeing you, not to see you.  My earlier email was about their needs and interests not your thoughts about your rights.

If you are anxious TO see them, you may want to engage rather than trying to dictate terms.

Do you want to be reasonable or are we going to the mat again?

Annie

And then I received this:

From: Ex
Subject: RE: Christmas
Date: December 14, 2010 6:19:17 PM EST
To: Annie
you cannot withhold visitation. My rights are established in the Decree.

My flight is scheduled to arrive in DC at 4:20 on the 25th. I will check in to the hotel from there and call before picking up the kids.

Do not hide them.

Do not interfere with my visitation.

Do not expect me to sign any unilateral prepared statement under duress.

I’ll get [our daughter] back to you on the evening of the 25th, and pick her up again on the morning of the 26th

I’ll bring the boys back in the morning on the 27th – my flight leaves at 10:00 AM.

Whatever mind games you are playing with the kids need to stop.

What an effing a-hole.  Really.  Translation:  “To the mat, bitch.”  I responded:

Subject: Re: Christmas
From: Annie
Date: December 14, 2010 6:53:08 PM EST
To: Ex
Cc: Awesomesauce and Awesomesauce

Obviously we do not have an agreement on the winter break visitation.  Let me know if you want to make an agreement such that the visitation can occur.

Annie

Okay Readers, this is just too much.  I mean, really too much.  I’ve had a lousy day.  My youngest son had his well-child visit today.  He’s in excellent shape except for the residue of the damage Ex did last summer.  We were to have our flu shots (which we probably should have done weeks ago).  The child came completely unglued. He was hysterical.  He wailed, “NO!  You’re not going to stab me with a needle.  It’s sadistic!” (Quite a robust vocabulary word for an eight-year-old.)  He squeezed himself under a chair.  The nurse asked if I wanted her to get other staff to help restrain him.  No, I didn’t.  Forget the shot.

Why did he fuss so?  “I just kept thinking about that needle in my head.”  (The anesthetic and stitches last summer.)  PTSD. The boy is haunted by images of gory head injuries and they are worse and more frequent as the visitation draws nearer.  He is anxious over the prospect of seeing Ex, especially after last summer where, you will recall, Ex declined to see the boy in the aftermath of his injury rather than see him on our terms.

Mind games with the kids?  The nerve of that guy.  I am sick, as a friend predicted I would be after doing that trip for the hearing in 30 hours. I’ve got a slight fever and a nasty cough and I am going to bed.  (Quite likely Ex will try to send me to jail again, too.  A friend cautioned:  “Careful, he’s setting you up for the next round.”  But, what else is a mother to do?)

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