CHOCOLATE: THE FACTS

I received a belated birthday card today from one of my very most favorite people in the world and her (*cough*) boyfriend.  She knows I’ve been feeling sorry for myself lately and that my romantic life isn’t as I would have it.  (C’est la vie.)

Thank you, Dan.

The Card

My dear friend’s sense of humor has always been a bit coarser than mine.  In fact at times she would agree with my ex-husband that I have no sense of humor.  This isn’t one of those times.

You open the card and a 1950′s radio announcer says loudly:  “This lady doesn’t need a silly old boyfriend.  This lady has got CHOCOLATE.  CHOCOLATE doesn’t think it is a hilarious joke to break wind in bed and then proceed to trap the lady’s head under the duvet.  CHOCOLATE can still satisfy when it has gone soft and you can have CHOCOLATE in public without getting arrested!  ENJOY your CHOCOLATE, lovely lady.”

When you close the card it stops talking, making it is possible to open it and close it and open it and close it and get only, “This lady doesn’t need a silly old boyfriend” on repeat.

Chocolate.  Yes.  Perfect. “This lady doesn’t need a silly old boyfriend.”

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