The goose is getting fat. Please put a penny in the old man’s hat.
In the last episode of All My Children: I sent Ex an email saying the kids wanted him to come after the holidays and not during. He told the boys on the phone that he was thinking he would come in January, sparing us the drama of the annual Christmas visit from the local police department. On November 26th, Ex sent me a relatively benign email. It read:
I have been looking into scheduling things, and I have explored Christmas with the kids. I think that the best case scenario would be for me to come out on a weekend in January. At this point any weekend after New Years would be workable.
I asked [Sissy], based upon past years’ experience and my own acceptance of her knowledge and maturity, if she would scout out a hotel for me that would be convenient to the world and to the metro. She had made recommendations before but I can’t remember what they were.
So any weekend…will work for me. Please let me know within the next week or so, so that I can work with [my sister] to get flights and rooms booked. She is again very kindly sporting me points for transport and lodging.
If you push something hard enough, it will fall over.
Yes, his sister is presumably paying his way. AGAIN. I must add once more that pushing hard on something might just lead to a back injury or to cardiac arrest for a fella like him. Also, it is worth noting that the push something quote comes from a Firesign Theater play in which a husband pushes his wife down the stairs. Really.
“If he wants to see us, he can do the work,” she said.
Fair enough. She suggested I tell him to come the weekend she would be away at a school competition so she could just say, “Something came up.”
“No,” I told her. “If you don’t want to see him, you should speak for yourself.”
We decided to ask him to come in late February or early March during the run of Little Man’s first play.
As it happens, I was finishing the response email to Ex when the phone rang.
Little Man took the call. He put it on speaker.
There were greetings and then Little Man said, “You’re going to get an email from mom…”
“Oh yeah?” his father answered with discernible skepticism.
“…asking you to come…” Little Man covered the receiver, “…when, Mom?”
I mouthed, “February or March.”
“In February or March,” Little Man said into the phone.
“Oh yeah?” Ex said again, notably irritated. The news should have come from me. I rushed to finish the email.
“I’m going to be in a play,” Little Man added hastily.
“Oh yeah?” Ex said again, this time with some enthusiasm. “What play?”
I hit send and heard the swoosh of the email leaving my laptop and half a second later, an audible chime announcing its arrival on Ex’s device.
“Did you just get an email?” Little Man asked.
“Yup,” Ex said irritably, “from your mother.”
That email read:
I suggest you look at the weekend of February 24-26th or of March 3-5. I know this is later than you had hoped, but [Little Man] has just been awarded his first role [in a play]. He would like you to attend one of the performances….
It is not [Sissy's] responsibility to help you make your arrangements. Her schedule is far too busy to research hotels and check the bedbug registries. Consider making plans on your own an opportunity to demonstrate that seeing the children is important to you.
We live four blocks from… [our metro stop] on the [specially colored] line. Hotels within a few blocks of [said specially colored] line at [five specific stations] would be ideal. [Sissy's] past request was that you choose accommodations near those stops.
Let me know what your intentions are.
Annie [The b*tch you once called your wife.]
Do your own Googling, Dude.
Ex told Little Man that attending the production sounded like fun which quite possibly means no up-close drama for three more months! (Life is looking better and better all the time.)