Today I am opening up the comment section for the first time. No log in and no waiting for approval. Have at it.
First, go get yourself a cup of tea. This is going to take a minute, or ten. I hope when we are all done, you will find it time well spent.
Happy St. Valentine’s Day!
Happy St. Valentine’s Day!!!
(You can go throw up now.)
HAPPY F*CKING ST. VALENTINE’S DAY.
Seriously World, enough with the sappy, sappy, awwww, love-is-so-grand cr*p. You’re about killing those of us who are singles. I know you probably mean well, but sheesh. It’s like driving a Ferrari around the old neighborhood flashing bling. We wish you well and everything. We even celebrate your success at love, but it bites to see you in that hot rod when many of us rely on public transit.
This morning I woke before my alarm sounded, tangled in the sheets after an intensely erotic dream about someone I will likely never be able to look in the eye again. I am quite sure I now know exactly what he looks like without his clothing and he smells nice. Really nice. Brain, you are cruel, and on St. Valentine’s Day!
Moments later my phone began to vibrate, a text message: “Happy St. Valentine’s Day.” It is well known among my people that I have mixed feelings about St. Valentine’s Day and about romantic love generally. I have appreciated the support, the kind messages and calls, and now I’m here to spread it around.
This post is for you, my Solitary Valentines, because I know for many of you Valentine’s Day sucks. Now get your butts off the pity pot. (I’m talking to you. Yes, you.)
Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate LOVE and the person you should love most is you. So quit feeling sorry for yourself and get to it. Make a commitment to your own sense of self worth, even if you are feeling like a worthless crumb because (cue the melodramatic music) nobody loves you. You are not a worthless crumb. Everyone has intrinsic value. Probably lots of people love you. Now show your own little self that she (or he) is important.
In the 1990′s when I was nauseatingly, stupidly, blindly in love with Ex, a coworker had an ugly breakup. We were close and I held her hand. It wasn’t an ugly break up in that the two mistreated one another, but it was ugly in the suffering, the haunting emptiness, the loneliness, and sense of failure. As she struggled to make her way through it, she came to work day after day with book after book tucked under her arm. One I especially liked was The Woman’s Comfort Book. It’s a handbook of self-care/self-nurturing rituals to restore balance to your life. This is a good day to feed body, mind, and spirit, whatever your relationship status.
Take care of your body, eat well and get some exercise, even if it is just a short walk. Smile at strangers while you are out. Have a cup of tea, do some yoga, take a soaking bath, head to the spa—anything.
Take care of your mind—if you are having a tough time, give yourself permission to cry—not an all-day cry—but an acknowledging difficult feelings and moving on sort of cry. If you are struggling today, you might also take some time to write. Don’t let yourself wallow for very dang long though, honey. Just don’t.
Remember, many people who are celebrating this couples’ holiday as part of a couple are not doing so especially happily. The grass may look greener on that side of the fence, but often, it isn’t. If you have been paying attention at all, you have noticed the buzz about expectation and creating the perfect Valentine’s Day Experience. Men are all but hiring consultants to try to get it right. Advertisers work to convince us that such efforts will lead to an eventual orgasm. It is often said that expectation is premeditated resentment and few things can kill a relationship as handily as the poison of resentment. Advertisers work hard to convince us to up our expectations (and thus part with plenty of money). Disappointment is presumed to lead not only to sexual frustration, but possibly also to someone sleeping in the doghouse. Men especially are charged with proving their love, a love that really should be evidenced in the way we treat one another every single day.
Last and most importantly: nurture your spirit. The connections we make with other people bring meaning to our lives. Today is a very good day to reach out. The kind connections that form when we share our true selves bring intimacy and healing. Pick up your damned phone and make some calls. In our gestures of love, we exchange compassion and our affections for one another, we reaffirm our humanity and our worth, and we feed our spirits.
I challenge you all to make this day about LOVE. Call at least three friends today. Admit you are having a tough day if you are. If you among the partnered, call your single friends not to say Happy Valentine’s Day, but I’m thinking of you.
“Reach out and touch somebody’s hand. Make this world a better place if you can.”—Diana Ross
Feel the love.
“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style”— Maya Angelou
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Comment y’all! Also, wish me a Happy Anniversary! Two years ago today, I launched this site. It has been a wild—and incredible—ride.