Solidarity, My Solitary Valentines, Solidarity.

Today I am opening up the comment section for the first time. No log in and no waiting for approval. Have at it.

First, go get yourself a cup of tea. This is going to take a minute, or ten. I hope when we are all done, you will find it time well spent.

Happy St. Valentine’s Day.

Happy St. Valentine’s Day!

Happy St. Valentine’s Day!!!

(You can go throw up now.)


Seriously World, enough with the sappy, sappy, awwww, love-is-so-grand cr*p.   You’re about killing those of us who are singles.  I know you probably mean well, but sheesh.  It’s like driving a Ferrari around the old neighborhood flashing bling. We wish you well and everything. We even celebrate your success at love, but it bites to see you in that hot rod when many of us rely on public transit.

This morning I woke before my alarm sounded, tangled in the sheets after an intensely erotic dream about someone I will likely never be able to look in the eye again.  I am quite sure I now know exactly what he looks like without his clothing and he smells nice. Really nice. Brain, you are cruel, and on St. Valentine’s Day!

Moments later my phone began to vibrate, a text message: “Happy St. Valentine’s Day.” It is well known among my people that I have mixed feelings about St. Valentine’s Day and about romantic love generally. I have appreciated the support, the kind messages and calls, and now I’m here to spread it around.

This post is for you, my Solitary Valentines, because I know for many of you Valentine’s Day sucks.  Now get your butts off the pity pot.  (I’m talking to you. Yes, you.)

Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate LOVE and the person you should love most is you.   So quit feeling sorry for yourself and get to it. Make a commitment to your own sense of self worth, even if you are feeling like a worthless crumb because (cue the melodramatic music) nobody loves you. You are not a worthless crumb. Everyone has intrinsic value. Probably lots of people love you.  Now show your own little self that she (or he) is important.

In the 1990′s when I was nauseatingly, stupidly, blindly in love with Ex, a coworker had an ugly breakup.  We were close and I held her hand.  It wasn’t an ugly break up in that the two mistreated one another, but it was ugly in the suffering, the haunting emptiness, the loneliness, and sense of failure.  As she struggled to make her way through it, she came to work day after day with book after book tucked under her arm.  One I especially liked was The Woman’s Comfort Book.  It’s a handbook of self-care/self-nurturing rituals to restore balance to your life.  This is a good day to feed body, mind, and spirit, whatever your relationship status.

Take care of your body, eat well and get some exercise, even if it is just a short walk. Smile at strangers while you are out. Have a cup of tea, do some yoga, take a soaking bath, head to the spa—anything.

Take care of your mind—if you are having a tough time, give yourself permission to cry—not an all-day cry—but an acknowledging difficult feelings and moving on sort of cry.  If you are struggling today, you might also take some time to write. Don’t let yourself wallow for very dang long though, honey. Just don’t.

Remember, many people who are celebrating this couples’ holiday as part of a couple are not doing so especially happily.  The grass may look greener on that side of the fence, but often, it isn’t. If you have been paying attention at all, you have noticed the buzz about expectation and creating the perfect Valentine’s Day Experience.  Men are all but hiring consultants to try to get it right.  Advertisers work to convince us that such efforts will lead to an eventual orgasm.   It is often said that expectation is premeditated resentment and few things can kill a relationship as handily as the poison of resentment. Advertisers work hard to convince us to up our expectations (and thus part with plenty of money). Disappointment is presumed to lead not only to sexual frustration, but possibly also to someone sleeping in the doghouse.  Men especially are charged with proving their love, a love that really should be evidenced in the way we treat one another every single day.

Last and most importantly: nurture your spirit.  The connections we make with other people bring meaning to our lives. Today is a very good day to reach out.  The kind connections that form when we share our true selves bring intimacy and healing.  Pick up your damned phone and make some calls. In our gestures of love, we exchange compassion and our affections for one another, we reaffirm our humanity and our worth, and we feed our spirits.

I challenge you all to make this day about LOVE. Call at least three friends today.  Admit you are having a tough day if you are.  If you among the partnered, call your single friends not to say Happy Valentine’s Day, but I’m thinking of you.

“Reach out and touch somebody’s hand. Make this world a better place if you can.”—Diana Ross

Feel the love.

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style”— Maya Angelou

In case of emergency:

Comment y’all!  Also, wish me a Happy Anniversary! Two years ago today, I launched this site.  It has been a wild—and incredible—ride.

11 comments to Solidarity, My Solitary Valentines, Solidarity.

  • SuliB

    My bf of almost a year broke up with me over the phone an hour ago. Who does that? Asshat.

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  • I ran across the following on Facebook and cracked up so I just had to send it around to friends and colleagues.

    FYI – if you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember…. no one loves you on any other day of the year either.

    I work in an office tower. The guy in the office next to mine has quite a sense of humor and he writes back:

    Thanks. My window appears to be stuck. Does yours open?

    Ha ha ha! (He’s inferring he wants to jump.) Well, that cracked me up even more.

    Humor in the face of adversity. Humor while in the line of fire. Humor while standing on your roof to avoid the flood which shorted out the electricity that caused the fire which is burning your house down. Love yourself. It all starts there. And if I can get me, myself and I together, I can have a threesome. Laugh? Why not. It beats sobbing uncontrollably. Happy f**king St. Valentine’s Day indeed. Annie, you are hilarious. And adorable. Ha ha ha! wb :-)

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  • Kiki

    SuliB, Sounds like a person full of fear. Best probably not to take that action personally. My guess is you can do a WHOLE lot better for yourself.

    Bittah Babe, Thanks for the reminders to keep well for ourselves and those that love us everyday. Photo=scary

    WQbelle, you think relationships between two people are difficult? Tri it, makes things even MORE complicated, ugh.

    Me? I had a fairly enjoyable day just being me :D

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  • Jennifer

    I had a great Valentine’s Day. Alone. (with 3 small kids that is)I never even felt one twinge of sadness. I moved out of my marital home on Feb 13th, 2 years ago. I think of this week as my “freedom anniversary.” I am so thankful to be free from that situation,that I have no time for sadness. It’s all a celebration to me. I celebrate my singlness every day. (except when the car breaks down or something in the house breaks then I think wouldn’t it be nice if…)

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  • Happy Half-off the Chocolate Day to you! I still suffer from the aftermath of my humiliating heart-mutilating divorce. However, reading your post made me realize that, yesterday, I thought mostly about love. Hence, I did not think of Mr. Ex yesterday. I thought of my children, grandchildren, my mother, my father (long dead, but who always gave me Valentine’s chocolates), the Man Who Loves Me, my friends, and family. Hooray for love. As for the evil exes of the world, may we all think of them less and less on every day the future holds.

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  • WooHoo! Happy blogiversary! and here’s to many, many more!!

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  • LOVE that the comments are open!
    LOVE that Trader Joe’s chocolate!
    (Best f*cking five bucks on the planet!)

    Happy belated chocolataversary.

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  • Happy Blogging-anniversary!!

    I’m in a happy spot with my man, but we don’t celebrate valentine’s day – we long ago got past trying to go out to a nice, crowded restaurant and waiting forever to get a seat and having to pay the babysiter. This valentine’s day, I went to a girl’s night out at a local art gallery where we painted, it was the best! I don’t need a card, not having to put gas in my car and having a date night once a week makes me happy.

    I agree, TJ’s has the best chocolate snacks, T.J.’s dark chocolate covered pretzels are the bomb!

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